What I first noticed about my airline’s seat mate was his neat appearance quickly followed by crisply delivered chit-chat and a business card verifying his name was Dean and that his corporate title was “Director of Sales.”
As we continued to visit, he revealed he had recently bought a new house in an upscale neighborhood in Boston, that he had two cars and a socially active wife, and was an anxious father about to see his two daughters off to college.
He then filled in the rest of the picture with other details and insights most of which were positive. By then, he’d said enough for me to realize he’d been traveling the usual road to success.
Then, and in one sentence, the real story revealed itself. “I hate my job,” he said “but the pay is so good I can’t afford to quit. Every month I have some pretty big bills to pay, and with both girls in college, it’s going to get a lot worse.”
With that, he opened the door not for me, but for himself, an attempt to reconcile his fate by sharing with me on-the-job difficulties typically encountered in the corporate world.
Noticeably lacking, however, were details about how he had been able to eliminate or at least neutralize difficulties within his authority to control. He didn’t seem to be mired in negativity, but neither was he in positive territory. The evidence was clear: He was on the path labeled: “Just trying to get along.”
Then, and back home, there was Jimmy. The contrast between him and seat mate Dean couldn’t have been greater. In all fairness, rather than being a quickly made acquaintance as Dean had been, I had known Jimmy for several years. Still, the contrast between the two was striking.
Jimmy lived in a small but exceptionally well-kept house, drove an always showroom clean ten year old pickup truck, and had a “business” card that read “Used cars, land, manure, nails, fly swatters, racing forms, bongos, printing.” Under the columned marked “Services Offered” were these entries: horses doped, wars fought, uprisings quelled, races fixed, tigers tamed, bars emptied, orgies organized.”
All of that was a light-hearted front because in truth, Jimmy retired from a local industry where he had been a solid and long term performer. He was well-liked—one of those “okay, let’s see how we can get this done” kind of people.
On the personal side, he’d twice been accused of failing to make alimony payments, but the judge dismissed both cases because of “insufficient evidence.” To those who suggested Jimmy had the judge in his pocket, he smiled and said the judge was just doing his job.
Jimmy was involved in a few other skirmishes, but always emerged satisfied that justice had been served. After meeting you the first time, he never forgot. Every time after that, he gave you that genuine and engaging “so what have you been up to” smile.
He stood behind not only everything he did, but also himself. From money matters to good whiskey, he knew it was one thing to be aware of opportunity, quite another to know how to take advantage of it.
No wonder that when his time came to leave this life, he passed as peaceful and sure-footed as he had always been. It’s likely that even now, part of his soul rests inside everyone who knew him.
Many speakers address the question of how best to achieve success. Countless books are published on the subject. It’s often woven into college courses supposedly to help prepare students to move gradually or be propelled suddenly into the ranks of the successful.
The average person often connects success with money, professional positions, and social status. Then there are the expensive to exclusive physical add-ons such as fine jewelry, luxury cars, big yachts, and private aircraft.
That image, however, is often misleading because although such outward evidence assumes success, none of it defines success. None of it exhibits the person’s state of mind, how they have always been at peace not only with themselves, but also the world—a world free of illusions, pretentiousness, guilt, and remorse.
That leads to this deceptively simple yet purely logical definition: Success is doing what you enjoy most and doing it as long as you wish.
Do that and such destructive traits as pride and ego can’t exist. Among other pleasures will be the look and feel of physical goodness, a mind never unraveled by stress. It also means you won’t be concerned about what others are doing or how they’re doing it, but rather competing with yourself by leading from your strengths.
From here forward, you can be a Dean or a Jimmy, a choice only you can make.
