You have them, I have them, everybody has them — times when we feel like excitingly sharing whatever turned out well, need encouragement in facing a challenge, or to be comforted in the wake of bad news.
Our first impulse is to spill it out to close relatives because they know us better than anyone else. The downside, however, is that regardless of how much they contribute to your cause, logic says that intentional or not, they are also more likely to be critical of your thoughts and actions.
The second option is to lean heavily on close friends who are likely to be as sympathetic and objective as family members.The dark side, however, is that they often tend to tell you not what you need to hear, but what you want to hear. And they might be tempted to share with others what you confidentially related to them.
That poses this question: Where can we go to get help in addressing any of the already mentioned situations?
Well, there are two unusual yet proven possibilities. As you might have already guessed, one of those is a minister, but not just any minister. The following real life short story provides a good example of that.
When I was a student at Purdue University, across the street from the campus was a large Presbyterian Church. The minister was the reason why almost every Sunday the church’s three services were filled to capacity by students. He was a master at applying Christian values to everyday situations with emphasis on problems faced by those on campus.
He also had an open door policy. No matter how troubled a student might be, he was there to soothe, inform, enlighten, and encourage.
That was proved to me one time when my grades were in a downward spiral, my social life was in shambles, and I was plagued by thoughts that I was letting everyone down — including myself.
After I had tearfully spilled out to him all my troubles, he asked me what I had done on my own to make things better. Even before I could answer, he added that only after I had done everything possible to solve my problems would he allow me to ask him for help. If our combined efforts still weren’t enough then he would ask God for help.
I left there admitting to myself that I had been looking for an easy answer. I now was willing and determined to do whatever was necessary to get back on the right track.
Two months later I visited the minister to tell him that my personal crisis was over and to sincerely thank him for his help.
The other possibility for getting help to survive troubled times is a bartender. That likely has never entered your mind, but is a logical choice. Bartenders are perfectly positioned to hear the good and bad from anybody and everybody.
I was one of 102 professional photographers selected to document rural America during a single and designated 24-hour period. The plan I had carefully mapped out and arranged for involved driving more than 300 miles to a specific location in Louisiana to photograph harvest scenes.
After arriving in the area the previous evening, I made a final check of my equipment and my plan only to be awakened before dawn by the sound of heavy rain. Without warning it had moved into the region from the Gulf of Mexico. There would be no harvesting and hence no pictures. My carefully laid plans had quickly become worthless.
Although I had good reason to panic, I cooly put into play all the experience I had gained over the years. After a few phone calls I had established potential alternate scenes and events, then spent the day intensely and rapidly pursuing each one.
That night, exhausted but deliriously happy with the outcome, I went to the local bar and treated myself. The timing was right. The few folks who were there were draining their glasses and the bartender’s behavior hinted he was ready to hear something good.
So I told him the whole story of how, as the old saying goes, I had made lemonade from a bunch of lemons. He was impressed by how I could have quickly and successfully overcome all odds to make happen what was supposed to happen. Just as he made my day, so did I make his.
Yes, family members and good friends are well positioned to help in a time of need, but ministers and bartenders may be even more qualified to smooth the way when forces of failure or welcome winds of success come to visit.
