The word “care” is one of the most commonly used words in our vocabulary. One reason is that modern communication is the driving force behind our increasing awareness of everything that’s happening throughout the world — including situations deserving or often pleading for whatever care we can provide.
That need involves a dizzying number of people, institutions, events, and things. Close to home, that includes relatives, friends, then extends outwardly and in no particular order to include the dislocated, sick, elderly, homeless, unemployed, disadvantaged, and handicapped, then on to structures, institutions, organizations, plus such natural elements as water, plants, animals and even earth itself.
It’s no wonder then that we become numb and confused not only by the overwhelming number of choices, but also by the form, intensity, and extent of care we would be expected to provide with each choice we make. That most often requires us to decide whether to donate money or our time and talent.
The only reasonable approach is to let logic dominate our deciding on which care to address and how best to make good on that decision.
That action begins with us because we must care for ourselves before even thinking about caring for anyone else. That might sound selfish but to the contrary, it’s the most unselfish act we can ever perform. After all, if we don’t care for ourselves, someone else will feel obligated to care for us. We don’t want that to happen unless we are unable to help ourselves.
After that comes wives, husbands, and children or others who either depend on you or you on them. At that point, you draw a heavy line that you don’t cross until you have properly cared for them.
Next after that are more distant relatives plus friends who, as per the proper definition of a friend, are those who are willing and able to help you when you need or ask for it. That’s when you draw another line even wider than the first one beyond which is an infinite number of situations competing for your desire or capability to care.
At that point you must be extremely selective while remembering that whatever you decide to support will likely be driven as much or more by emotion as it will by facts and numbers. Even then, it can’t extend beyond what you are willing to contribute. You have only so much time and money and other resources to offer.
That’s where logic can be a big helper because it forces you to realize that you can’t possibly care for everybody and everything. Ignoring that reality is to risk destroying yourself.
I witnessed that in a young adult I knew who had a strong desire to care for others. Eventually, his devotion to that cause began to rob him of time with his family. His lack of attention resulted in the loss of his wife and children through divorce and being abandoned by his closest friends. He even deprived himself of things he wanted and needed because of all the money he contributed to a range of “care” causes.
Not until he was nearly 50 years of age did he realize that by providing all that care to others, there was almost no money left for supporting him. Even worse, his health was deteriorating.
Now to get personal. I have aged so well both mentally and physically that people ask me what I have done to be in that enviable position. I tell them that although I am aware of what’s going on everywhere else, my shoulders aren’t nearly wide enough nor strong enough to handle all the cares of the world, so I care only for what is closest to me.
Anyone attempting to become involved with all of it greatly increases the chance that they will be prevented from enjoying the good life. Engaging in only some reasonable slices of it, however, is to do justice to both ourselves and to those who have sorely needed and accepted our caring thoughts and actions.
