As you know, I write all these columns under the banner of “Country Boy Logic.” That’s reasonable because I really was a country boy and have been around country people most all my life. Even if I had left the country behind, it never would have left me.
With that In mind, I thought you might like to see the answers I would give to some questions you might ask about country life — sort of the off the wall or entertaining kind you likely won’t see asked or answered anywhere else. So here goes:
I hear farming has changed a lot over the years.
Oh yeah, it has. Name something that hasn’t.
Well, like I heard that nowadays a tractor can cost a half a million dollars.
Ha ha. That’s enough to pay the taxes, but you’ll need a lot more than that before you can call it yours and drive or haul it away.
Speaking of which, I notice all the truck manufacturers show their stuff being able to survive on farms and ranches. Is it really that rough out there on a truck?
Well, I’ll put it to you this way. There’s no such thing as a used farm truck because once it goes there, it gets worked 26 hours a day until it dies there. And it stays right where it quit until the Rust Fairy turns it to dust.
Which reminds me, I heard that farmers out in the West where water has always been scarce, once killed each other to get water but were never jailed.
That’s right. They looked at this way: Take my woman and I’ll shoot you. But take my water and I will shoot you until you are dead.
Okay, but would a farmer shoot his bull if it were chasing me?
Of course not. He’d figure that if you were dumb enough to walk into a field with a bull, you deserve whatever you get. Remember this: Not only can that bull run faster than you, if he decides not to use his horns, he’ll just sit on you while you imagine this headline: Larry was killed by sitting bull.
But what if I talked nice to him?
It wouldn’t matter. Hear me good on that, it wouldn’t matter.
Changing the subject, I hear farmers are good at forecasting the weather. Is that true?
You heard right. A farmer who has been at it a long time can just stand outside the back door at first light and give you a better forecast than some urban slicker with tie or skirt trying to explain what they don’t know while waving their arms at those big maps.
Another thing. Why do some of the best cooks on TV and the internet use a country kitchen setting to prepare some dishes?
The food in a farm home kitchen has to be very good every time and all the time. Imagine a dozen guys that have worked and sweated all morning running machinery in mile long fields, working with livestock, repairing most anything, and keeping up all the records every business has. All of this burns up calories big time. Then they quit to eat dinner. Notice I said “dinner.” It has always been that way — breakfast, dinner, and supper. Period. But back to the question, there they are at the table, knives and forks in hand, dodging the ice cubes to guzzle the water, and hungry as a hibernating bear in spring time. And you serve them three kinds of frothy frosty things in dainty polka dotted cups? Yikes! Do that and you risk never seeing another sunrise.
Moving on, I read somewhere that farmers manage to make good when things really go bad.
True. It used to be that farmers were never without a screwdriver, hammer, pair of pliers, plus some wire, string, or rope divvied up in all their pant pockets. Well, many still do except they’ve added a cell phone and a laptop in a backpack. Surely you already knew that farmers used such things.
I have met a few farmers and they seemed to be friendly.
It comes naturally. You know, they believe in being good folks and doing good for others. But make sure you play it straight because if you don’t, you’re likely to be told to leave, but at twice the speed you were moving when you were arriving. In farmer land, virtues must show themselves before patience begins to run thin.
What I’m hearing is that country folks are known for helping when help is needed.
You heard that part right. Whatever the problem, they’ve likely had it, faced it down, and managed to survive while using logic to decide whether the action is worth the likely consequences. They also know nature, not only the human kind, but also the God given kind that they insist on serving the best way they know how. They don’t hesitate to share all of that with those less fortunate.
With that, we have to go. But do you have any final words?
Yeah. Unless you want your death certificate to say you died under mysterious circumstances, don’t ever EVER open a gate on a farm without closing it behind you!
