Here’s the story that unfolded.
During summer school at a distant college, the guy met a girl and they continued to date until the school session ended.
It was, however, more than simply a summer romance. After they had each returned home, they were attracted to each other enough that three times over the next several months he drove the more than 200 miles to see her. The potential for something more serious was alive and well.
It all came to an end, however, when he had to leave to fulfill a two-year military commitment. Even before he had returned to civilian life, the relationship had cooled, each of them going separate ways.
More than thirty years later he became curious as to what might have happened to her. Through some lucky circumstances, a mutual friend was able to provide her phone number.
As the friend predicted, she was delighted to hear from him. After the surprise had worn off, she asked him how his life has been going.
Without hesitating, he eagerly shared with her how after his military stint, he had finished college, gotten a good job, and had successfully moved upward in a challenging but deeply rewarding career. And yes, he and his wife, also a professional, had three children who had also completed college. He then continued to describe in some detail how they as a family had gone on to enjoy many of the finer things in life.
After closing that subject, he asked her what had been going in her life. His question, however, brought only silence to finally be broken by her telling him that not much had happened. Yes, she had married and they had two children and everything was going pretty well.
Gone, however, was the enthusiasm that had been so evident at first. He strained to keep the conversation alive before finally telling her how good it was to hear her voice after all those years. She acknowledged what he said, but he could tell she was relieved that the call was about to end.
A few weeks later he called the mutual friend to ask for any insight about why his conversation with their friend had taken such a sudden and downward turn.
That’s when he found out that instead of finishing college as she had planned, she fell in love and married despite negative comments from friends regarding her future husband. Because he was still in school, she had to quit college and begin working to pay the bills. Although he found a job after he graduated, he decided it wasn’t for him, nor was any other job he tried. The erratic income and uncertainty forced her to continue working.
Completely unaware, however, of what was coming, she was then blindsided by an overnight development that revealed her husband had secretly been involved in a sex for hire operation. A federal raid led to him receiving a fifteen year prison sentence and being on the sex offender list for the rest of his life.
As the whole sordid event made front page news, she not only lost a husband and a father for their children, but most of her friends and self-esteem. Only through sheer internal strength and her faith in God had she been able to keep her sanity while trying to be a good mother.
Then the old friend called and when she asked the question of how he had been, he gave her the full and detailed answer. It was during those three or four minutes that a hundred “what ifs” were crossing her mind — the reason for the silence after he finished. Sadly, the kind of life he had been leading was the same kind she had wanted so badly but would never have.
The important lesson learned here isn’t that we should never make such a call, but rather that we must be cautious in expressing our highly positive situation without knowing whether the other person has been similarly blessed.
One can only imagine what would have happened if he had answered her “how are you” question with, “I’ve gotten along pretty well, so how about yourself?” If his tone of voice revealed it to be a serious question, there’s a good chance she would have given him a serious answer.
He could have then given her words of encouragement powerful enough to brighten her day, maybe even give her hope for much better happenings during what was left of her future. As it was, she was hard-pressed to make the best of a bad situation.
Not only is life never over until it’s over, neither are our chances to learn and to help those who have been dealt a losing hand.
