Only rarely do we hear anyone say they have no regrets. That’s because it’s unthinkable that anyone could be so perfect as to never make a regrettable mistake.
Then again, it’s possible that such a person has some regrets but somehow has been so successful in making amends with themselves and others affected that the incidents have simply been forgotten.
Although it’s later in life when regrets plague us most, they can occur much earlier, right after we begin having to decide such issues as where we live, with whom, by what means, and to what end. Some decisions are able to stand the test of time and even resist those factors beyond our control. Others, however, end up being bad enough for us to lose so much faith in ourselves that we take no further action because of our fear of making yet another mistake.
The good news is that there are logical approaches to minimizing the nagging and sometimes caustic effects of regret.
- As much as we would like to change the past, that’s impossible. We can wish or pretend it didn’t happen, but we can’t erase the fact that it did. As much as we don’t want to, we must face the reality that what we did or didn’t do or cause to happen will always be a matter of record even if only a mental one.
- All regret arises from mistakes — faulty judgements leading to faulty actions. Sometimes it’s the result of judgments made and actions taken before all the facts are known. Sometimes, those facts are purposely hidden by someone else. It’s more likely, however, that we failed to search long enough and good enough to find them.
- We must give ourselves a break by realizing that because no two people are exactly alike, others won’t be thinking like we do. Neither will we share the same motives or outlook on life. The world of some people is huge because they know the more slices of life they see and experience, the more flexible will be their judgements. In sharp contrast are those whose world is very small. Unfortunately, they have far fewer opportunities for establishing points of reference.
- There is always the danger that we are exaggerating the effects of our mistakes. The longer we dwell upon them, the larger they become in our minds. And with that comes a distorted view of what, in reality, was much smaller and insignificant. The reverse, however, can also occur. That is, if we fail to realize just how serious was our act, we never know to what extent we caused others to be filled with anguish. Such situations must never be taken lightly.
- There is no time limit in making amends for anything we did to others to cause anguish and regret in them or in making those same amends to ourselves. Except in instances of bitter dislike or in extreme cases even hatred, we must always assume the door of opportunity to apologize and make amends is always open. Even if the other person is unwilling to accept our request for forgiveness, the fact that we offered is commendable.
Live long enough and in many different environments, and it’s only logical we will witness the presence of all these points — wrongs committed and wrongs made right, friendships revived, heavy clouds lifted in the minds of those who either did wrong or imagined wrong.
That, in turn, might not prevent us from ever doing or saying things we might later regret, but it will certainly teach us how to ask forgiveness of both others and ourselves if we do.
