It happened only an hour ago, a bit of small talk while we were ordering.
The server said she had been working for her parents, but four months ago decided to take a job here, one of the area’s best restaurants.
When she brought the check, she added that although she regretted leaving the family business, all had gone well. She not only liked her new job, she loved it. The owners were “so nice” as were most of the patrons.
After mentioning a couple of proven pointers for creating a good working relationship with an employer, I explained what a great opportunity she now had for getting to know people. As she had likely already experienced, some of the endless parade of greeting, serving, and saying goodbye would go well, but some would severely test her patience and rattle her confidence.
I stressed that although she might see herself as simply a member of the wait staff, she was actually a student in a classroom where her teachers were customers with all kinds of often unpredictable behaviors. What she would learn in earning her imaginary diploma would serve her well into the future.
Then it was time for my wife and me to go and for her to return to her duties.
That’s when I remembered a similar incident in a local department store at Christmas time. We had stopped at a service desk the store had set up to help shoppers with gift buying. One employee, an older adult, was helping my wife.
The other employee, however, was quite young. I smiled and asked her how she was getting along. She explained she was a high school senior and that she was about to finish her third day on the job. “I’m getting along pretty good,” she said, “but honestly, I’m kinda scared.” I assured her I understood how she felt because during my high school years I had a similar experience at a J.C. Penney store.
I explained that although she saw herself as having a job, it was much more important she think of how many different kinds of people she would be meeting and helping.
I told her that no matter how automated our society might become, knowing how to relate to people would continue to be extremely important. I pointed out that every day, we are required to ask, tell, or instruct, and that the best way to learn or sharpen those skills is to do it for real.
“Just think,” I said, “not only are you being paid for doing a job, you are also being awarded the privilege of learning something that will benefit you for the rest of your life.”
“I never thought of it that way,” she said with a curious look, “but you’re right. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I feel better already.”
As I wished her well, her unwavering gaze suggested there was a good chance she would long remember our short conversation. After all, how many people would even bother to make her aware that her job would go a long way in making her even more “people smart?”
The urge to help others is a trait most human beings seem to have been born with. During our younger years, however, our lives are dominated more by the act of getting—getting an education, getting a job, making money, buying things both useful and fanciful. It’s also a time of trials, checks and balances.
Only after that unfolds do we discover that as powerful as knowledge is, not all of it is in books, on screens, or talked about in school rooms. Much of it, sometimes even the best of it, is in the minds of those who have spent many years living their lives. Along with that also comes a greater respect for logic and the part it can and should play as we find ourselves deciding on different courses of action.
Many older people unthinkingly ignore, shove aside, or choose to forget much of what they have learned and experienced. Luckily, however, many others who find themselves tilting toward giving rather than receiving, recognize the value of those qualities and feel the need to share them with those on the threshold of adulthood.
That effort can go in three directions. The first two, committing time and effort or donating money to a related cause, are obvious.
The third but too rarely used alternative is that of sharing what they know directly to others in appropriate, meaningful, and instant face-to-face encounters.
That can happen anywhere and at any time—even in such busy places as a restaurant or department store.
Just remember this: If you are the “teacher,” take the lead. Or if you are the “student,” catch every word.
