In conversing with others, most of us know better than to even hint about venturing into the three assumed private havens of religion, politics, and sex.
Although we might debate whether we have broken ranks on religion and sex, there’s little doubt in the minds of all of us that open season has been declared on politics. Whether it’s fair or unfair game, many are taking aim.
It’s difficult for any of us to remember a time when our society was such a battlefield of opposing political views, each side attempting to denounce, neuter, or even destroy the other. The result is an outpouring of anxious moments, lost tempers, and arguments so heated that long and treasured friendships are being destroyed.
The quick and likely irreversible results are being triggered by saying the “wrong” word or expressing a single thought, a flash point during which even the most logical and defensible information is discredited or ignored.
Worse yet, there is no middle ground, no place between the two highly polarizing positions that even hint of being close to making a sincere effort to examine both sides. Neither is there any hedging or acknowledging. You are placed in a position of either having to be solidly for or solidly against. Even if a long time ago you changed your mind enough to change camps, you are still suspect.
The most patient, reasonable. and forgiving of us keep thinking that such feelings have run their course, but they haven’t and there is nothing in sight to indicate that relief is on the way.
The consequences are much too high for all of this to be taken lightly or merely wished away. This massive decoupling makes us vulnerable not only as a person, but also as a nation.
We have taken the wrong road many times since the birth of our Republic in 1776. Yet, each time we have somehow managed to recover and become even greater than before. As for now, at stake is not only the fate of the combatants, but also of our children and those yet to be born.
Acknowledging that broad view is one thing, but keeping our cool when accosted by a person intent on forcing you to go on the defensive is quite another. As logic says it should never come such a point, a plaintive voice inside you asks what has happened to respect, understanding, and decency.
You don’t know the answer to that question, but you do know there seems to be no recourse. In so many words, you are likely to be accused of having it all wrong, of being a dim witted menace to society that needs to get out of the way of those who really know what to do and how to do it.
Despite such odds, it’s only natural that your first impulse is to defend your belief-based position. Although that might seem to be the honorable thing to do, you already know that will surely result not in respectful repose but rather a fast-paced “he said, she said” contest that no one ever wins.
So instead of going there, you take the lead by reminding the other person of these three logical and forever truths: Nobody is right every time, nothing in this world is perfect, and every action has consequences.
There can be no dialogue unless both sides agree to accept one, two, or all three of those realities. Anyone who interprets that as a sign of weakness should understand that it is just the opposite — evidence of intelligence-based strength.
That, in turn, leads to you proposing that you both put on the table everything you agree on so as to pave the way for discussing the points on which you don’t agree.Whatever answer you receive will then determine whether the discussion ends right there or is allowed to eventually be constructively concluded.
This is the same high road that arbitrators and negotiators take to reach an acceptable answer. Indeed, that is the bedrock of any democracy, including ours.
If that strategy is successful, you have performed as our Founding Fathers hoped you would. If it isn’t you can walk away satisfied that at least you tried.
That’s what all of us should do. It’s the most any of us can do.
